i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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