I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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