Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student