I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?