some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.