Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!