my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.