Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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