Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
