i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
