I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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