5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The best revenge is premature balding
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
