i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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