Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Buhtt sex?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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