No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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