moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
