her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
