Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
