Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
