it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
