**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
