Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
