I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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