you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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