I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh god it's open bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
