dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
