Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?