mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?