last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.