I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?