ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance