not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.