How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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