Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling