just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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