Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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