He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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