there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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