Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My ass is underappreciated
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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