Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.