My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat