The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars