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did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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