White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm too high and old for this...