It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?