he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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