Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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