i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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