there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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