if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
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I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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