Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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