ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
