I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
