I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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