There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
