my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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