She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
