we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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