I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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