We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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