I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
even my farts smell like vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
