if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize