i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
