Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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