nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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