Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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