So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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Can I color on your dick again?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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